I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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