I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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