Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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