Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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