My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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