dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
