I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
