So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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