I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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