I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
