This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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