I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
