Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
