my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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