We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So squirting runs in the family.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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