Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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