Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
