How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
