Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
