I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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