i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
