Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we're making bets on your personal life
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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