I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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