Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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