drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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