If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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