I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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