the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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