his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
