Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
