1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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