I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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