somebody snuck up and got me drunk
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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