I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
