Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
