I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
