I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And then my night got REAL pukey
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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