Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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