A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
