Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
