imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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