At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
