We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
