my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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