I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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