already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
