Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
