i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
