R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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