it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
