I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
