Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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