I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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