last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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