Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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