Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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