I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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