i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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