It's like God shit irony all over that family
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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