You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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