Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
