Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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