So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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