im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
