Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize