one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
