I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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