Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
