I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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