I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
