my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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