um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
