4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
