i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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