I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she looked like the before picture.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just found puke in my bra..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
