hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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