i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
