Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
