Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
