i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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