My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
