Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
