I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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