For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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