You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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