i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
