Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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