I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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