Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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