just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
