2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
