your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
