so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize