yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
