I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize