My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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