So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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