Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
