pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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