So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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