Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
