I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
