I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
