I'm eating all of the evidence.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
