I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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